Having a major change in life forces us to take a look at what is important to us. As you might recall, my recent divorce was my latest impetus to clean house. Here is some advice from someone trying to figure out what life should be like post-relationship.
Make sure that you have a core set of people that you trust:
I’m not gonna lie…this one is tough. When going through something painful like a divorce, family problems, the death of a close friend, etc., the old adage that you will find out who your true friends are is more true than you might have first believed. Depending on the amount of time in which you were married, you will often find that most of your friends are other couples. What do you do now? Try to retain those friendships? Do these other couples get put on a visitation schedule like your children? You get Tom and Jill on Wednesdays and every other weekend and I get them the other times?
Screw that! I say it is time to kick Tom and Jill to the curb and start fresh. After all, divorce is a process of starting over in almost every sense of the word. Meet new people. Do you need Jill talking to your ex about your every move? Hell no.
If you have old friends from college that you have lost contact with, try to reignite the friendship. You shared a lot in the past, probably the best days of your life. He/She would probably love to pick up where you left off.
Family…the dreaded topic that we all try to ignore:
Members of your family are always tough and the relationships are often tricky. There will be times when your mom or dad want to talk about things, and you may just not want to, or may not be emotionally ready. Be upfront and honest with them.
Family is the one thing that you should always be able to count upon. If you can’t, there is a problem with the relationship. If you need space, I think it is perfectly legit to take that time, even if it is from other family members. They should be understanding and not take things personally…and if they don’t…there are probably other underlying issues in that family dynamic.
Finally…pay someone:
I’m not talking about paying someone that you pick up on a street corner. Leave that shit for someone else. I’m talking about a therapist. Finding a good mental health specialist can save you a lot of heartache in the end. He/she will make you see things from other angles and help you analyze things from a perspective that you didn’t previously understand. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.
Also, if you are so inclined…don’t forget spirituality:
If you went to church as a couple, there are plenty more out there. Start church hopping when you are ready, just as though it were speed dating. Try a new place each Sunday. Eventually you will find somewhere that you belong.
I like this post. I like that you give advice on how to cope with such change. It's always tough weeding people out of your life, but at times it's completely necessary. Sometimes it's even refreshing!
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